Kibbutz Shabbos - Secular Meets Holy

Some people come to Israel as a spiritual journey. They come to the holy land searching for religious wholeness. I did not. I was not expecting to find anything. That is not because I did not want to, but more of because I knew where I would be. I am at Kibbutz Revivim, a secular kibbutz. To be completely honest I was not exciting about living here. When I was looking at the possible kibbutzim choices I would have been much happier living in a religious setting, but because of dates and what not I had to come here. Was I disappointed? Yes. Was I going to make do? Absolutely. Boy am I glad I did. Not only because I love everything about this place, but also because in a way, it has helped to shape my Jewish identity, one that has been quite rocky lately. It's weird how we find things in the most unlikely places. Who would imagine I would "find god" here. A place with no organized prayer. A place where meat and cheese seem to be the perfect combination. A place with naked doors where Mezuzot usually are. And a place where the cultural aspects of Judaism seem to trump the religious. I'm not saying these things are quote on quote "bad," but just different.

So yesterday I had a great Shabbat experience. And yes, I was on the Kibbutz when this experience happened. It started off as most typical shabbat nights start - candle lighting. Ryan, Naomi, Jennifer, and I congregated in Naomi's room and did all the normal "stuff." (candle lighting, kiddush, and challah.) And then we sang. It was great. Even though none of us knew all the same tunes and we all came from different Jewish backgrounds we were able to come together and just sing. It's really interesting learning from each others different customs and coming together as one community. We are going to start teaching each other shabbat songs every week. After awhile of singing we moved onto discussion of current politics (Gaza, Israel, US election, etc.) The time seemed to fly by with our conversation and singing and soon enough it was time for dinner. Dinner was more or less the same pleasant meal it is every night. Good Food. Good Conversation. etc.

On Shabbat we are suppose to rejoice and be happy. In normal traditional life this can stem anywhere from singing our favorite Zemirot to spending good old fashion quality time with our loved ones. On the kibbutz we do things a little bit differently. Kibbutz Revivim rejoices with the Moo Bar (it is called the Moo Bar because it is located next to the cows and smells like cow poop). The Moo Bar is a disco open every Friday night from 11:30 to 5'ish where people can rejoice in other things that fix their fancy: drinking, dancing, and talking (if you can hear over the music) Bottom line is that it's a place to have fun. And that is what we did to rejoice shabbat, no matter how unorthodox.

After waking up the next morning just in time for lunch I davined a quick shakarit and scurried off to lunch. Later on in the afternoon a group of us decided to take a hike through the desert. And by take a hike through the desert, I mean we walked out the kibbutz gate and was was greeted by the rolling sand plains. We walked for about two hours and took a break under a tree we found along a cabbage field. Laying in the sand we went around and talked about where each of us were a year before and why we had come to Israel. It was really interesting to hear all the different reasons as well as some of the similar reasons. After a restful conversation we headed back to the kibbutz and were able to find our way back just find.

When the sun began to go down, it was time for havdalah. After the brief ceremony we sang hatkikvah for the closing song. I thought that sitting in that dark room, singing the national anthem was truly remarkable. Here we had a Jew from France, American liberal Jews, and a goy from Canada who didn't know the havdalah blessing. We all came from very different backgrounds, but when it all came down to it, Israel was what connected us. Israel is the beat that echoes through every Jews heart and connects us as one strong people.

And that was my Shabbat. I did not spend my Friday night studying the Torah portion. I did not spend my Saturday cooped up in Shul, but yet I still feel religiously satisfied. Judaism is more than just the everyday rote that I accustomed myself too. Something that I never thought I would hear myself say murmurs from my lips "There is more than one way to be Jewish." Being Jewish is an amazing thing. And even though some find that amazing'ness in prayer and Mitvot, others find it in the Ahavat Chinam that brings all us Jews together.

~ this is a very old post that was sitting in my draft box half finished since the beginning of the ulpan

When War is More than Just War

I see the War in Gaza quite differently than the World seems to be interpreting the events. I see a very black and white situation. There are two distinctly different groups of "causes." One is an evil. It is made up by people that glorify death. People who fire rockets at the core heart of the civilian population and then rejoice when lives are destroyed. This hunter not only aims for the innocent, but also hides behind it's own civilian population, the ones they claim they are trying to liberate, using them as human shields. This evil wants nothing but the blood of its opposite and will stop at nothing to defeat them because hate is all they know.

Then we have the opposite. A democracy that not only values the lives of their own population, but also that of the unfriendly civilian population in which the evil has rooted itself in the middle of, becoming part of. This good wants peace. They want to be able to live in peace with their neighbors and live normal lives, but continuously is forced to defend itself against the enemy that swears to bring out their destruction.

"I have put before you life and death, blessing and curse. Choose life - if you and your offspring would live." -Deuteronomy 30:19

In case you haven't figured it out yet Israel is the Democracy that values human life and Hamas is the enemy that uses the destruction of human life whether that of their own people or their victims, to reach a goal. Since 2000, eight thousand six hundred and ninety rockets have been fired from Hamas into the State of Israel. This constant rocket fire has disheveled the lives of Israel's citizens. The constant lurking fear of an attack has created a sense of hysteria that has ruined lives. I was talking to one of the volunteers from a kibbutz closer to Gaza who is currently living on my Kibbutz until the tension dies down. She is here from South Africa to experience Israeli life. Well she got it. She hadn't realized how bad the rockets were affecting her until she was awoken at 2am in the morning from a rocket alert siren (aka you got 15secs to make it to a bomb shelter) only to realize that prior to her being awoken she was having a nightmare of a rocket hitting. The psychological anguish this life causes has done much harm and plenty more to come until something is done to stop it. Can you blame Israel for responding? Any other nation would have.

One of the worst parts of war is death - the death of your own soldiers - the death of your innocent - the death of their innocent. As Golda Meir once said, "We can forgive the Arabs for killing our children, but we can't forgive ourselves for being forced to kill theirs." Just as when we recall our deliverance from Mitzrayim we do not celebrate the death of our abusers. Why? Because death is never good. But it is a necessary part of warfare. No modern nation will dispute this. The trick is to do everything in your power to make the innocent casualty rate as low as possible. That is why Israel drops pamphlets over future attack zones warning citizens of a strike and giving them enough warning to successfully evacuate. This is why Israel chooses its targets very carefully. And this is why Israel also sends SMS messages to Hamas cell phones informing them that their houses will be blown up and that they should get their family out as soon as possible. But instead of leaving, they bring their families up to the roof and await their death. Do other nations do the same? Of course not. Any other country would have responded faster to the situation with much less care for the enemies damage, but as we see so common throughout history, Israel is held to a different standard. Why no matter what we do does the world seem to always sympathise against Israel? How could the world side with terrorist?

The answer to this question is scary. The truth hurts. This war is more than just a war. The world's complaints are far less than solely aimed at Israel's size of force or the civilian casualty, but a darker truth. Some people in the world can't stand the fact that there is a Jewish State. They call out for Israel to take far greater risks than any other nation would ever be asked. The kind of risk that threatens its very existence. And why would we be asked to make such dangerous differences than other nations? Because, quite simply, they don't believe Israel should exist to begin with.

This week we have seen an alarming trend throughout the world. Jews are being targeted. I got an email from the URJ on Thursday warning me of "synagogue security" in America. They are worried that actions will be taken against Synagogues. Can you believe that?!? We actually have to worry that something will happen in our spiritual havens, the place where we are suppose to feel safe, in a modern country like the USA. I was awed as I read the newspaper yesterday. In France, a burning car was rammed through the gates of a synagogue. In Sweden, a synagogue window was smashed and a burning object was thrown in. In Belgium, a Molotov cocktail was thrown at a synagogue after numerous other reports of rock throwing has been reported. In England, a synagogue door was burned down, a Jewish man was attacked, and there is an enormous rise in anti-Semitic graffiti throughout the country. At a rally in Australia, a banner read "Clean the earth from dirty Zionists!" In the Netherlands, demonstrators chanted "Gas the Jews!" And in the USA, protesters demanded the the Jews "go back to the ovens!" This escalation of Jews being targeted throughout the world is quite alarming. The world is telling us that this war isn't just about Gaza. It's about our very existence.

Looking at these recent incidents, we see just how important Israel is. We finally have a place we can call our own. A place where Jews can be Jews without the lurking fear. A place where we can defend ourselves from the ones who question our right to existence. Because that is sadly what this is about. What it has always been about.

One day there will be peace in this land and in the world. One day we will be able to live next our neighbors without the blood and hatred. I long for that day. But until then, I support my country - my people - in defending themselves.

~The Return~

Two years ago I thought I knew. Being like most young 16 year olds, I had a very naive look on the world. Everything sounded great in my head, but the reality behind it all was quite limited. I wanted to be an Israeli soldier. Just like that. I had just spent 5 months on Kibbutz Tzuba and was officially high on my country, my people, and my religion. And for the next year this idea stuck. When all my other friends were off applying to colleges, I had other plans in my mind. But like all drugs, the high wears off. It wasn't an abrupt change of mind, but it was a gradual assimilation to the American dream. This transformation seemed to go into high drive this past fall. I spent countless hours laughing with my best friend, became closer with a very special friend who helped me grow into a stronger individual, and I began to accept the American culture as my own. I loved it in America. The people I loved were in America. And for one of the rare occasions in my life I could say I was truly happy. I didn't want anything to change. And in some ways I did not want to go to Israel, but I knew I had to.

It wasn't easy leaving. I cried. A lot. Maybe more than I ever have in my life. Saying goodbye to certain people that I loved a lot was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. It was hard to not only see what my departure was doing to them, but also what it was doing to me. I wasn't the same without some. They made me, well me.

When I got here I was overwhelmed by all my old Israel emotions flushing right back in even greater force. I remembered why I loved it here so much and I fell in love all over again. Except this time it didn't take 5 months, but about 24 hours. I'm trying to figure things out. I am not still the same naive boy I was two years ago. I would like to think that I have a better head on my shoulders than then, but yet i still come to the same conclusion. I feel not only an obligation, but also a huge desire to serve my country through the military. There is this other Ulpanist here who I look up to. He is what I want myself to be. He is a 19 year old from California who recently moved to Israel, obtained Israeli citizenship, is studying Hebrew in Ulpan with me at Kibbutz Revivim, and is waiting for his letter in the mail calling him up to combat duty. He, at least what I see, appears fearless and is so dedicated to his decision of making Aliyah. I am not this way. I fear too much. I fear leaving my friends and family for such an extended amount of time to go to a completely new country. I fear not only what will happen to me when I'm here, but what will happen to my loved ones when I am gone. My fear is not based on death, but more of me not being able to serve up to my ability. I can't imagine not living with some people. Well, after talking to this kid, and having him sort of understand where I am coming from made me want to do it anymore. He made it sound so simple. After spending awhile talking to him about it, my mind was going bonkers. That night I was sure I wanted to enlist. I've thought more since that night and have figured that I have no idea. I am being torn in two directions. In one direction is the place I love. The place I want to defend. The place that I see myself being a part of. In the other direction is the ones I love. The people that make me happy. Part of me is there and belongs to them. Forever and Eternity.

But I need to turn my back on one. I can go back to America, go to college, be with some of the most amazing people in the world, continue my life trying to achieve the American dream and live with the constant regret that I didn't follow my dreams. I can serve in the IDF, feel a sense of fufillment, do good for the Jewish people, but also be torn away from my loved ones that I cant imagine not being with and thrown into a country I am not familiar with. I am alone without them.

I'm sure this is very confusing to read. This is probably because my thoughts are all over the place and have yet to figure anything out.

As the Ramones so wisely put it. "Do I Stay or do I Go?"

We the Sheep

It's over and I'm left alone
without the comfort of the known.
With only regrets of the past
that guide me through the year ahead.
Mistakes lay rubble, blocking and
molding the forward march. The sins
are heavy, merits useless, and
an echo from behind instills
the weary. Like stone standing still
we lay affixed as useless sheep
of the herd. The Creator's staff
punishes all. The beat constant.
Relief is limited, but yet
the parade moves on. Always and
forever, we the sheep move on.

Numa Numa Nachman!

Every so often I see something that just makes me stop and chuckle. Something that is so oddly beautiful that it forces me to take a break from life and just laugh. Well, a few days ago I came across a video on youtube that mixed two very different things. The words to describe it is a great, unique, combination.

Here is the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ywlI5KfbFtA

So first of all, everyone remembers the Numa Numa song that stole America's heart a few years ago. I remember hearing that song countless times. You know, the one with a slightly obese kid (not to be mean) with the obnoxious tune that simple repeats over and over again. And somehow it is quite addictive.

Next, we have the sometimes nutty Nachman followers who use their belief in Rebbe Nachman (whether their belief he is Moshiach or just a wise leader) to live fulfilling lives. They are known for being seen waving flags, dancing, and singing to the teaching of Nachman. Their obsession has lead to one of Israels largest graffiti trend being "Na Nach Nachma Nachman Meuman" (which some believe if every Jew says that phrase at the same time Nachman will come back as the Messiah).

So now we have two very opposite things. Annoying song and crazed followers. The only thing they have in common is both seem to be popular and attract lots of "followers."

So, how do they come together. The Breslav Jews (nachman followers) have adopted this obnoxiously fantastic song to their song list, turning it into a Nachman chant. How beautiful is that? What will they come up with next?

Palestine's State of the Art Weaponry

Yesterday, as a group of off the clock IDF soldiers were visiting the holy city of Jerusalem, a BMW flew off the street aimed directly at Israel's defenders. The driver mowed down the group causing much injury and was shot within seconds by nearby soldiers. After evaluation of the incident it became known that the driver was an East-Jerusalem Arab. Surprise! Once again the Palestinians have found a way to wreak havoc onto un-alert citizens. That is what terrorist do of course.

I understand that car accidents happen. Even those as odd as this. But there are a few things that make me positive no such accident occurred. He was not only an East Jerusalem Arab, but also a member of Hamas. Hmmm. And bystanders observed that the BMW sped up to a high speed while headed towards its victims. Interesting. This has terrorist attack written all over.

But you know I really feel for this guy. He has been so oppressed by the Israeli state. We put him in such a state of poverty that he was forced to drive a BMW around. If only we had given him money to upgrade to a more "classy" kind of car. Our bad. Cough cough sarcasm.

So what does Israel do? We have given in to the humanitarian need to treat the Arabs as equal. We lift border crossings, let them work in our state, drive around, and what do we get? They use what we have given them against us. We no longer are fighting a war with guns and bombs. We are fighting an enemy who takes a car to innocent pedestrians, an enemy who earlier in the summer used a bulldozer to attack innocent civilians, and an enemy who strap bombs to themselves and blow up markets. This is no way to live for Israelis. It's not fair to make them live in such a state of terror that thy cant even walk down the street without the fear of being crushed by oncoming traffic.

Israel has done more than its fair share of trying to negotiate with this beast like enemy and enough is enough. When we treat them like humans and they respond by treating us like dirt it shows who exactly wants peace. And when they take advantage of our gifts, it's time to make them stop. If they use the gift of jobs in Israel to take bulldozers and attack civilians, its time to not give them jobs. If they use the gift of driving to run over pedestrians, it's time to only give driving privileges to Israeli citizens. And if they constantly aim for the innocent its time to make the decision whats more important - their rights, or our lives. To me the choice is easy.

I hope one day we can live in peace with them. Unfortunatly, the time is not now.

"The future of this republic is in the hands of the American voter." - Dwight D. Eisenhower

Finally. 18. The number I've been waiting for my whole life. I am finally accepted into the flow of adulthood. And more importantly, I have the right to vote. I now officially have the duty to express my opinions with more than just words but with an action. The action of casting my ballot in along with hundreds of thousands of my fellow adults. And my vote counts exactly the same as everyone else's. My beliefs officially count for something.

So now lets hit forward on the remote all the way to Tuesday, September 16th, 2008. This date is Massachusetts's State Primary. My first election as an able adult. I am pumped. Pumped for walking up to the table, giving my name, receiving a ballot, marking my choice, placing it in the scanning machine and then finally having my vote count.

But there's a catch. Along with this honor comes the responsibility. The responsibility of carefully considering all the candidates and voting for the one that best serves ones principles. It would be unfair for me to blindly select my choice.

So as I depart on this new routine ritual I must consider who I will vote for. I know very little about the different candidates. Jack Hurd has the clever signs reading "Let your voice be Hurd!" Isn't that great. Ken Donnelly has the red signs with block letters being held up by crowds of elderly people occasionally with an old firetruck as decoration, and lastly there are those yellow signs with a guys name I can't even pronounce none the less remember. If I was going to vote solely based on signs it would definitely have been Jack Hurd. "Let your voice be Hurd" That's so crafty it makes me chuckle. But I need to be more educated when I cast my vote.

So as I walked to the voting building with no idea who i was going to actually vote for I came across many groups of people, each holding up signs for their particular party member.

I first came to the people in support of the man with the yellow signs and hard name. He ended up being Brion Cangiamila . I was greeted by an older women who either did not speak much English or just preferred not to speak. All that I learned about him was that he was a republican write in, and that I should vote for him because "he's a really good guy." That's about all the explanation the lady had to say. This guy was definitely not getting my vote. He might have been a really good candidate, but for all I knew he didn't strike me as being great.

Next I came to the Jack Hurd group. I was greeted by warm smiles and a real desire to share with me. The lady I talked to ended up being Jack's sister which gave a very nice personal touch. Jack hurd is a democrat from Arlington who's main concerns seemed to be education and taxes. If the friendliness didn't get me enough one phrase stuck with me through out my voting journey. "Jack isn't going to contain himself to something that is Democratic or Republican. Jack is going to do what is right." That was beautiful. I was almost sure they had me, but I still had one more group to stop by.

Last stop on the "train" is good ol' Ken Donnelly. His group consisted of no person under the age of about 60. They were all friendly and all, but oh so old. His main issue seemed to be retirement. How the old people could get more money that could be going elsewhere. To be honest, he was pretty much the same as Hurd with the exception of him being old.

So I ended up voting for Hurd. Not that I was deeply against Donnelly, just that Hurd was more of my kind of guy. And who said you can't judge a book by its cover. Hurd- the right choice and the one with the great signs.

Voting itself was fairly normal. Filling in the box. Casting your vote. Hearing the results. Its the journey to the election that really matters.

Btdubbs ... Donnelly won.